All of that to say – I’m going to start posting great food finds here on my blog. Here it goes…

I got sucked into ‘The Next Food Network Star’ for the last 4 weeks and followed the winner as she started her new show. Aarti Sequeira hosts a weekly show called Aarti Party. Her niche is to infuse Indian flavors into every day American food. Most of us have a very limited concept of what Indian flavors are. Aarti really opens the door to some amazing flavor combinations. Tonight I made one of her recipes for dinner. Her ‘I Ain’t Chicken Chicken’ was amazing. You can find the recipe here. The whole family enjoyed the meal. It was hard to put away the leftovers because I just wanted to keep eating them.

We made several trips back to Tulsa to visit her over the following 2 years. Every time we were there, she seemed to be at her worst. Each good bye I said good bye as if it was the last time I would see her. The memories are vivid of how her weakening body felt each time I held her and told her good bye as we started our long trip back to Chicago.

The first hour of our trip was always the hardest. We sat in silence, both Simone and I, trying to hold back the emotion of what we were feeling. I called her on a regular basis and was always shocked at how strong she sounded. Later I was informed that she would put on her strong voice no matter how bad she was feeling because she did not want me to worry.

Our summer vacation this year was amazing. We traveled to Canada to visit Simone’s family, we had a very laid back and refreshing time. We spent time in Niagara and enjoyed the natural beauty of that region. The day before we were to leave, I got a text from my aunt that my grandmother had been taken to the hospital. This had become a common occurrence over the past two years.

We arrived back in Chicago around 2 am in the morning. At 3 am I got a call from my aunt. She said that they did not think my grandmother was going to make it. My grandmother was not able to speak but was conscious so my aunt put the phone up to Grandma’s ear and let me talk to her.

I told her about our trip and how much fun the kids had been having. I told her about the amazing flowers at Niagara-on-the-Lake and how much they made me think of her. I could hear her labored breathing in the earpiece of my phone.

I told her we loved her and that the kids missed her and were always talking about how much they missed her. I finished my final moments of that call telling her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. I talked about how Proverbs 31 talked about the children of the Proverbs 31 women rising up and calling her blessed. I told her that I rise up and call her blessed. I told her I loved her one more time.

With the sound of her breathing still coming thru I pulled the phone away from my ear and with hesitation pushed the glowing red ‘End’ button. I was left in silence. Simone was laying next to me, asleep. I lay there trying to process the possibility that this could be the last time I talked to my Grandmother.

At 6am my phone once again rang. On the other end was the broken voice of my mother telling me that my grandmother had just left us. There was no immediate response. I just laid there and processed the memories of her life.

Just before we left on vacation, I had a conversation that will mean a massive transition in my life. The two events left me struggling to walk thru the processes that I had to walk through. One event fed another. I would go from sadness to anger in a heartbeat. I understood the process of walking through grief, so that helped. But in the end, all I could think was ‘screw the process’.

About 3 weeks ago I walked out onto my patio and noticed that most of my plants were on the verge of death. I realized I had not watered them since my grandmother had passed away. Some of them did not make it, but most of them have recovered. My Spruce tree had started turning brown around the top. After a couple of weeks of consistently watering, new growth started appearing where the needles had begun their dying process. It is a perfect example of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

The first time I heard the track Joy I was very moved. It’s not what you think when you click on the track, it takes bit to figure out where they are going with it. By the end you are moved.

I have always believed:
That joy is a choice.
That you could have joy in the midst of suffering.
That Joy is not based on how you feel but what you know.

“I can’t understand
And I can’t pretend
That this will be alright in the end
So I’l try my best and lift up my chest
And sing about this joy joy joy”

You can get the album here.